How are Things?

Tag: work

  • Saturday 12th July 2025

    The cat woke me, bless the little darling. It was actually no harm, as I needed to get up at 7am anyway. I was at my laptop at 8.30am, and started the long and arduous process of getting through work emails. You see, as schools are closed and I’m still expected to work full time, I have to enroll my son in summer camps. However, no camp will cover the full time hours I need to work, so weekends see me working in an effort to catch up.

    I really did underestimate how long it would take because those emails did take me all day. I finished at 1806, and I left 15 emails that were all about finance. Our brand new finance system is maddening in its new layout. It is so wonderful, that it has removed all traces of previous financial transactions on the system. I am saving the financial information until Tuesday, like a little treat.

    On Monday I am having such a big event I can’t even think about that right now.

    So, to go over Sunday; finish all the applications, email my boss who is returning Monday from leave, and then prep for Monday. My son returns at approximately 6pm. Will keep you posted.

  • Thursday 10th July 2025

    A confession; I am as white as boiled rice. The sun and all its works wring me out more thoroughly than linen on a washer board. Yesterday saw me moving across town, until I gathered my son and two of his friends to go see a movie. It went well, which was a relief; as a boy with autism friendship isn’t a certainty. But getting home by 6pm with the weather in the 70s saw me drained far beyond my capacities. I made dinner, and then I tidied up, and then I felt myself more empty than a dry gas tank. I was in bed by 8.40pm, and slept hard until 4am. I want to call it moral decline, but honestly it’s sadder than that; it’s old age.

    Today, with all my hours of sleep behind me, I still felt exhausted. But up and at it, at 5am. Not all things got done, but all things were attempted, even when I wanted to give up.

    I even managed to have lunch with my sister. We rarely if ever get together. Her daughter, my niece, has been through hell and back, and now has had her long term partner break up with her. The weight of the sadness I know she is going through… The gift of today was seeing my sister again, though. Salads and chats, and catching up. Plans and hopes for the future, especially when I thought once it might never happen.

    Afternoon, I had my online session with my counsellor. We talked over the week, my exhaustion, and possible plans for change. I have sought out so much change recently that I hesitate. I doubt myself. I would love new pastures, but only if they’re pastures, not battlefields. I want everything to be All Right. Which of us don’t?

  • Tuesday 8th July 2025

    I woke at 5am for some reason believing it to be Saturday. My brain is craving release. I managed to get up today and get some work done, then took my boy to art camp. Yesterday saw me hunt for him in the car park. He is 13, not a big deal, but today they ensured that no child from his group would be let out without a parent coming to pick him up. Of course I was the last one there, so I managed to cause a lot of delay for all the teenagers minding the place. Lordie.

    Today was the release of the brand new, all shiny, will-solve-everything financial system in my workplace. This thing will, and I quote, see the institution hopefully do away with lots of administrative staff. It was supposed to roll out at 9am. That became 1pm. At 2.30pm there was no sign, and I had to collect my son and make it home to work from there.

    At home in the afternoon, maybe it was the coffee, maybe the consciousness of the extra needs of my son, but I was alerted and somewhat agitated. I got as much done as I could by 5.30, then made dinner.

    By 6.30pm I and my son were online, playing our very first round of Dungeons and Dragons. The DM is a friend from work and there was a third person joining us. My son finds it hard to regulate his excitement, even his voice, so I had to tell him to ease up on the volume a few times. This was enough to see him upset, thinking that I was making him feel left out. Maybe I was. The truth is that I have no friends, no activities and no hobbies other than this, and the chance to do something, anything, just for me, is rare. And he didn’t like it. I hope we get to do it again, it was a good space for my brain to be in.

    And now, the laundry is out of the machine, the clothes are laid out for tomorrow, and I will be at my computer by 6am at the latest to see if I can sort out the financial issues of my unit. Talk to you then.

  • Monday 7th July 2025

    This day is the anniversary of the attacks in London. I was working in Finance at the time and we had to scramble to ensure transactions were noted and closed off before anyone lost any more money. It wasn’t much but it was the least we could do. The whole thing was horrific; we have much better understanding of what that means nowadays.

    Today I got up at 5am and just could not work hard. I sat and dawdled and did almost nothing until 8am, at which time I was able to go for a shower and start the day. My son has summer camps, a mere band-aid to the time I need to devote to work. I am supposed to carry out forty hours-plus, but will be lucky to get thirty-five. I sought valiantly to get something in the vicinity, but senior management shut down the project three weeks before it was to start; quite deliberately I now feel. These are men who might honestly be threatened by such an idea.

    I did run into two colleagues from another unit, who tell me that they have a role vacant. This is in fact very interesting to me. I am well aware that the idea of moving roles is very attractive, as my ego wants me to find something new. But my disaffection for my current role is not frivolous, and the unit with the vacancy is certainly much more up my bleeding-heart-liberal street. I am conscious that the idea of moving absolutely fulfills my emotional regulation, and makes me very happy.

    There is a need to watch this space. So I will.

  • Sunday 22nd June 2025

    Good evening, all. I’m writing this while under the covers, my cat making herself comfortable at my feet. It is Sunday night, after a busy week, and I wanted to take a few minutes to say hello.

    This week saw me take my car in for testing. Unfortunately it failed, in that the diesel filter needs cleaning and that is a job that takes several thousand euro. I will need to get that arranged, and I am not sure how or when I will be able to find the time.

    My annoying and very unpleasant colleague has finally left the unit. My boss seems to believe that the right thing to do is to have Annoying colleague still on the books in case she is needed. This is annoying, again. And I will have not so much a performance review, but an objective-planning meeting this Tuesday. I actually hate speaking to my boss these days, in that my body actually reacts to it.

    Also this week my son will be leaving his primary school. He is nonchalant about it, in that he seems to feel he will be able to go back and visit at Christmas. Yes, he will, but he will face a very different world in secondary school, one that has a lot of new demands to make on him. I am weepy at the thought of leaving his old school, and I very much pine already for the understanding nature of his teachers. I felt able to exhale there. Now, it is very different, as it has to be. I fear if I show him how large the mountain ahead is, he will lose hope.

    And on Saturday, my son and I took our much loved cat to the vet. She had shown no illness or symptoms but as she had never been to a vet before it seemed the wisest thing. Getting the poor thing on a leash was very hard, and then we had to bring her in the car, another trauma. When we got there, we had to wait for over 45 minutes. Eventually we were told that she has bad teeth, bad hips and needs her vaccinations updated; all told, it comes in as over €1,500. That may have to be done in payments, I think.

    After that, we went to go visit my sister’s child; I’ll tell you all about that interaction next time!

  • Monday 26th May 2025

    Yesterday I stayed up quite late; later than I should. It meant that when the alarm went at 5am this morning, I was already exhausted. It is such a strange form of defiance, staying up late; the only person I harm is myself.

    I managed to get up, exercise and to update my subreddit, then shower, breakfast and all the important stuff. My son made it into school, I headed into work. My horrible colleague, who I am in fact line manager, was there, and I frankly avoided her. She is a snarling, abrupt type of person, all stick and no softness and I simply cannot deal with her. I made some very strong coffee and got on with the business of the day.

    One of the business items was printing out some documents for my passport application. Then on to the usual rush. At 12noon my own line manager spoke to me in our usual scheduled meeting, and then a rushed lunch. At 2pm I had my own meeting with hideous colleague.

    To my marvel and delight, she gave me her notice. This is fantastic news, she has had formal complaints about her behaviour from several quarters and all of it waived out of hand by my boss. But she is gone, away to a team that maybe or maybe not will be a better fit, but it is not my problem.

    I left at the usual time and took my son to his gym session. He gets on very well with two of the boys there, a development that gives me a stab of anxiety; I am no good at being liked, I fear the same fate for him. Then home, dinner, wash up, making lunches.

    The air is delightful. The prospect is positive. A major hurdle to happiness is gone. Oh, happy happy day!