How are Things?

Tag: tired

  • Monday 29 September 2025

    I have covid for the last seven days.

    My son is finally returned to me, he rushed away from me into the arms of my ex-husband with an eagerness that said a great deal.

    Myself, I had a strong taste of what life will be like when he reaches adulthood, and as of yet, I’m not prepared for it.

    It brought home to me that I have a life so shallow it has the depth of a saucer. Work seeks only work, not happiness, and the relationship means nothing to me. The only texts were from people wanting things, and in my delirium I bluntly told them to go elsewhere. There were no attempts to find out how I was, by anyone.

    This is an empty life. At least it seems that way these days.

  • Wednesday 3rd September 2025

    I am so tired.

    My son has started at secondary school. Homework only starts when I come home, and can last up to two hours. Work for me is exceptionally busy, seeing me on my feet for hours at a time. I am weary these days, I have eyes full of dust and a brain full of wool. Oh lord, get me to Friday.

  • Tuesday 22nd July 2025

    And finally, the day is done. I have some jazz on, everything is lit by lamplight, and the cat is relaxing. Let’s go through the day, shall we?

    So I managed to get up and to get going earlier than I have been (though still much later than I had before). I made breakfast for myself, and was interrupted by my son, meaning I felt obliged to make sure he had breakfast as well. This sudden extra piling on of jobs irritated me, I’m sorry to say – I was focused on the large task in front of me, and wanted to keep that focus on.

    After I made breakfast I headed away as close to 8am as possible. By 9.30am we were all in the boardroom and set up. And on came the interviews. I won’t be so tacky as to go through each of them directly, but I will say we had a total of five candidates, and there were two that stood out directly. The others had an energy that that seemed much less desirable.

    I got through them and then got through 50 emails, and then picked up some supplies from a colleague while on the way home. I got home at about 530pm. My son was out with his childminder having fun, and so I got a rare and precious chance to sit for a moment. Then everyone arrived home, so it was back to making dinner, serving, washing up, putting out the bins and then an hour’s worth of ironing. I wish I could say I listened to something highbrow, but instead I watched a Korean Drama The Trunk. Then it was, it is, time to get some rest. No doubt tomorrow all will be well.

    I am not sure we chose the right man today. I hope I have enough energy and sanity to lead the team correctly. But I am running on fumes at present, and I need to reboot as soon as I can. I have an image of myself in the shower, my eyes closed, water running over my face as I finally reset…

    I wish I had profundity to offer you. Some well crafted statement or saying conveying the purple night, a reflective thought, a resonance within a soul. Instead, I can only wish you peace, and rest, and say tomorrow will be another chance.

    Goodnight, all.

  • Friday 19th July 2025

    Finally, this week is over. I have been so tired and so uninspired this week, and now there is a chance to rest for a moment.

    I made an appointment with my councilor, a woman who by now knows me way too well. Then I had lunch with a fellow colleague where we got a chance to raise our concerns about senior management.

    Problematic person has done a lot of crying but has broken up with terrible person but I’ve gone ahead and notified security about his awful ex; if only because apparently my name was mentioned in the break up conversation. The Problematic person’s emotional wave has gone out from shore, and in fact is now heading back in: they have texted me to say they’re annoyed with the other people being annoyed with them. This is a mess, and I’m going to get myself out of it.

    Dinner was made by my son and it tasted amazing, mainly because he is a great kid. I’m listening to Amy Poehler and going to bed. Night all.

  • Thursday 10th July 2025

    A confession; I am as white as boiled rice. The sun and all its works wring me out more thoroughly than linen on a washer board. Yesterday saw me moving across town, until I gathered my son and two of his friends to go see a movie. It went well, which was a relief; as a boy with autism friendship isn’t a certainty. But getting home by 6pm with the weather in the 70s saw me drained far beyond my capacities. I made dinner, and then I tidied up, and then I felt myself more empty than a dry gas tank. I was in bed by 8.40pm, and slept hard until 4am. I want to call it moral decline, but honestly it’s sadder than that; it’s old age.

    Today, with all my hours of sleep behind me, I still felt exhausted. But up and at it, at 5am. Not all things got done, but all things were attempted, even when I wanted to give up.

    I even managed to have lunch with my sister. We rarely if ever get together. Her daughter, my niece, has been through hell and back, and now has had her long term partner break up with her. The weight of the sadness I know she is going through… The gift of today was seeing my sister again, though. Salads and chats, and catching up. Plans and hopes for the future, especially when I thought once it might never happen.

    Afternoon, I had my online session with my counsellor. We talked over the week, my exhaustion, and possible plans for change. I have sought out so much change recently that I hesitate. I doubt myself. I would love new pastures, but only if they’re pastures, not battlefields. I want everything to be All Right. Which of us don’t?