Tonight I heard ‘Technically Missing’ from the Gone Girl Soundtrack. It is a piece I haven’t heard for close to three years, and hearing it again is like listening to an old argument. The piece is the music to Amy Dunne’s monologue of blue-flame rage against her husband. Both of them are as unpleasant as each other. Amy is not as clever as she thinks she is, her plan of revenge goes awry once it meet the real world. But the presentation of her rage is not sniggered at in the film, and that has made it unique.
For myself, the music is almost a call to arms. Caught up as I was in the approaching black hole that was my ex-husband’s mental illness, the permission to be angry was an inspiration. Anger removed the freeze I was in. Anger made me move, made me plan, made me decide that enough was enough. Anger provided propulsion that got myself and my son out and away from the sickening sliding hatred of his father and into our own safe space. Anger was clear.
I have been feeling a lot of anger lately. I have had a lot of time away from my counselor, and that may have had something to do with it. Nevertheless, I am enraged a lot of the time and I don’t think that I want very much to lose my anger.
How are Things? 
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